in my recent efforts to push my laziness aside and make room to spend more time with God, it's been a little frustrating, i will admit. maybe i'm doing this all wrong haha i don't know- so typically i'll sit on my bed, bury my face in my hands and just begin to reflect on my day. my mind lately has been all over the place and all i can really handle is taking things one day at a time. i think back to all the things i could have done to make more of my day, to make more of His name- i think of all the things i did wrong, the ill thoughts that went through my head, and at the end of the day i come to the conclusion that i failed yet another day. i failed in the sense that i didn't really give my very best today. i don't know when, where or how this distorted way
of thinking came to birth- i'm really nothing near a perfectionist on most things, but i'm pretty sure beating myself up for trying isn't how God wants me to live.
like apostle paul, we should rejoice in our sufferings because they produce perseverance (Romans 5:3). i really don't want to live in thinking that in order to please God i need to follow all the do's and don'ts of religion. i want to live with JOY in my heart, being filled with D
ELIGHT in the Word even through my afflictions. it's so easy for one bad day to bring me completely down and feeling hopeless. i swear, sometimes i feel bipolar... but it's not even about that. we live in a world of EMOTIONS. this generation is a FEELING generation. everything we believe is based on how we FEEL at the current moment. so when i have a good or bad day, i attribute my feelings and current mood to how i am spiritually, which is just totally bonk because at this rate, i'll never be growing in Christ. i'd just be going up and down like riding a roller coaster.
no, my goal is to keep going up and up. even if i go down, my life should trend upwards in the overall picture.
speaking of going UP, i'm already getting excited for this year's coffeehouse as our theme will be based on disney-pixar's Up! this life is our journey to meet Jesus face-to-face, but we can only get there by keeping our eyes fixed upon Heaven. *pointing upward* heehee.
