unwrapped

somewhere through high school i convinced myself that i was this crazy, outgoing, fun-o-matic girl who couldn't care less what people thought. i carried this facade all the way to college and despite a few moments of identity crisis, i thought i was over all of that. but now i find that i hadn't really let all those skeletons go no matter how much i said i did. i thought i had myself figured out years ago, but more and more i've been exposed to myself and i guess i still have some more figuring out to do. i put on a tough outer shell, slap a smile on my face and try to convince others that i'm this strong, confident person- when in reality, i'm just trying to convince myself of that. sometimes, i let myself get so deep in to my own thoughts and self-perception trying to find myself that i end up losing myself in all the mess. i get so tangled up in all of my flaws and insecurities, eventually there's nothing else to do but give out a big exhale and pray.

but this isn't how God thinks of me. He loves me just the same despite all of my faults. when i'm at my weakest, His power is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). LET GO AND LET GOD. people always use this phrase which i always found to be so cliche but can't seem to shake off at the moment. when i pray in complete weakness with all my walls down, God tells me to let go and let Him take over my past, present and future struggles. God is love, and in His love He takes care of me. often i try to shut my mind off by distracting myself to other things in order avoid being alone with my thoughts, when really i should be casting all my burdens to Him (1 Peter 5:7). He's being that good friend who's trying to be there for me because He knows i'm in need of comfort, yet so many times i push Him away and run to other things. if i can't put my trust in God, what hope is there for me to trust any man?