i must confess.. lately i've been so closed-minded, selfish and lazy. everything has only been about me me me, always looking for the next best thing that would satisfy me and give me pleasure not pain. even though i chastise others for wearing their emotions on their sleeve, i have mine tattooed all over my body. one day i'm hot, next day i'm ice cold. i've been relying so heavily on my feelings and my mood, it's made me so turned off from reading what the Truth has to say about people like me. when i read the Bible, my eyes would merely look at the words but my mind and heart wouldn't accept it. it sounds so terrible, but as i'm reading through Romans my mind is saying, "yeah yeah yeah.. been there, done that." i've just been in complete denial, bathing in apathy and numbness of the Spirit. i can feel God saying, "let me in!" while i'm standing on the other side of the door with my arms crossed and head turned away.
through my recent efforts in really trying not to pass judgment on others, i've been giving myself a heap of credit for being on my way in becoming a better person. but i think what has really been going on is that i've been avoiding judgment on others so that i could avoid judging myself. i think a lot of us do that when it comes to our own faults. we refuse to see it in ourselves by embracing distractions until it can't be put off any longer, and then one day it all comes flooding back as one big slap across the face.
thankfully, right before that hand connects to face, that big slap shape-shifts into the form of God's loving and open arms. i'm left yet again speechless and overwhelmed by His all-surpassing mercy. He is SO FAITHFUL, and all i want is to be more like Him.
